Self Esteem & Confidence
What is it about me that makes me question myself?
How can anyone believe in me when I don’t?
Why are my friends so confident and I am not?
These recurring thoughts can be signs that we do not value ourselves, have low self esteem or lack confidence.
Self Esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When it is healthy, we feel positive about ourselves, and our lives in general. It helps us to deal with whatever life throws at us. However when our Self Esteem is low, we view ourselves negatively, we are very self critical, both personally and about our lives, we give ourselves a hard time. We can feel unable to cope with life’s ups and downs and when Low Self-Esteem affects us over an extended period of time, it can harm our mental health and the way we live our lives.
Low Self-Esteem can hit us like a lightening bolt or build up over time and can start as early as childhood.
When we are young, we are like a sponge craving learning, absorbing everything. Everybody and everything we interact with (including the media in all it’s forms especially social media) send out messages about us, both positive and negative and we eagerly learn and absorb them. However, our minds have a strange way of keeping hold of the negative and for some reason, the messages that we aren’t good enough are the ones we hold onto and stick.
Sometimes we set ourselves incredibly high expectations, try hard to please others and live up to their expectations and this takes it’s toll. Any failure to meet those expectations, no matter how small, can knock our confidence and lower our self esteem.
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Throughout our lives we will all have to deal with stresses, difficult life events, the loss of loved ones, accidents, serious illness (to name but a few) and we do it differently. They can have a serious impact and subsequently have a negative effect on our self-esteem and confidence.
And some of us are just more prone to negative thinking as part of our personality.
We can react by running or hiding away, avoiding social events holding back from trying new things, avoiding anything where we perceive we are under pressure or scrutiny. The desire to hibernate and draw into ourselves takes over. Whilst this provides a short term answer, over time it can stop being an answer and become destructive holding us back from living a fulfilling life. We can also look for other ways to cope maybe looking for solace in habits such as comfort eating, under eating, drinking too much, smoking or drug taking.
Living with Low Self-Esteem can be draining and harmful for our mental health sometimes leading to problems like depression and anxiety.
So what can we do? Is there hope?
Hypnotherapy works with our subconscious to access some of the learned beliefs and behaviours which affect our Confidence and Self Esteem, helping us to develop new more positive beliefs and behaviours, enabling us to live fuller lives and achieve our goals.
Nicki and I met, and instantly I felt at ease, and I knew that there was an enormous trust where I could explain to her the issues I felt were holding me back – I would relay them through this testimonial, but honestly, you would think I was insane. Nicki didn’t.
Nicki managed to decipher what I needed help with – self esteem and confidence.
You see, most people reading this will not know me. I have a reputation. A reputation for being late, scatty, a joker and someone who never sticks to anything for 5 minutes – I fall in love with things and ideas, but I am very forgetful and become easily confused. I also have zero confidence, so I have become very good at putting on armour and adapting to social environments, trying desperately hard to fit in and becoming invisible.
Nicki instantly through listening found my Achilles heel. Confidence and self esteem.
I had been so busy bringing up my 4 children, I had forgotten me. I had forgotten my strengths and what I needed to maintain me and my well being. I wanted a job. I wanted to feel that I was contributing to my family – Money is tight, and I was feeling worthless. I was failing at interviews, to the point where I had literally, given up. I felt that people thought I was stupid and actually wanted me to fail.
Through Nicki, I discovered that I am a thinker who uses the right side of my brain. I am someone who is creative, who finds it extremely difficult to convey thoughts, feelings and actions in words. I am someone who is so aware of others that I put others before myself – to my detriment.
Nicki made me realise that actually by making myself important, I am far more able to help others and make a positive impact, generally.
I had, as it transpires, tried so hard to please others and serve others, I was actually suffering myself and making myself deeply unhappy and worthless.
Through hypnotherapy and much needed talking therapy, I have found it has made a hugely positive impact on my life and general well being. I now embrace me. Yes, I am quirky and different, but I do have a lot to offer.
I recently applied for a job in a creative capacity. I didn’t have the academic qualifications that they were asking for, but I knew that I was the person for that job. I applied. I wholeheartedly believed that this was my job. With Nicki,’s help, I focused on my positives, I focused on making my future employers seeing me and my potential.
Thanks to her, and belief, loving myself for all the right qualities, I got an interview and was offered the job, which I accepted, that afternoon.
I now work in a job that I love. Tasks that I am asked to do, which before I would have declined, I now do without question.
I have been there some time now, and I love it. I love who I work with and I love the freedom of creativity it brings me. They gave me a staff appraisal, and they love me for who I am, and my enthusiasm. I have already been offered the chance of training and the chance to teach a subject that I adore. I am actually discovering what it is like to have others believe in me – I am no longer the clown. I am appreciated and contributing to my family.
I am now on a new journey at 45 years old. I feel worthy, and I am feeling respected and relied upon – something I haven’t felt since before I had my children. I am me. HK - Dereham